So, this is something really personal for me and each time that I think about it I try not to cry.

For the past 2 years, my family and I have been having issues with my grandmothers health. On October 4th 2014, I had received a call from my older sister while I was attending a wedding. It was my ex-fiances mothers wedding, which we had both been in the wedding party for. I had been driving to his mothers new house to grab a few envelopes that we had forgotten before we left for the ceremony. I had just left to get them when minutes after I started to drive, I had recieved the call.

The news that I got had me crying and worried. My grandmother was having issues breathing and was rushed to the hospital not to long before. All that I could think about was what if she had left this world that night, even though I was recieving updates every hour.

Maybe a week after that, I was going up in the morning to ait with my grandmother after they had done a biopsy on here and she also had a trach in her throat. It was only the next week, even after the hassles we had with the doctors at the hospital, that we found out my grandmother had cancer on her voice box.

I remember calling my work and telling them the news that I would not be in that night and why, then proceeding to call my sister and my Aunt Crissy. I remember cry so hard that I gave myself a migraine.

When both my aunts were at the hospital, we found out that there was a chance they could remove 90% of the cancer. We were happy, but also worried that it wouldn’t work. But thankfully when they did the surgery days later, the cancer was removed, all but 10%.

When she was finally able to come home, we were so thankful. But we moved her in with my Aunt Trina. We thought everything was going to be ok from that point on.

But then she fell in my aunts kitchen on August 24th 2015. I had just gotten out of work an hour before I recieved the call to go and watch the kids until my uncle got home from work. By the time I got there, they were putting my grandmother into the ambulance. She was in pain, but she was her normal stubborn self. But sadly, not long after she was admitted into the ER, my Uncle Chuck, who was my grandmothers youngest son, was taken into a room right down the hall. He was unresponsive. He died that night.

I remember looking at facebook for updates on my grandmother when I saw my family posting about my uncle passing. I cried for 2 hours straight before I passed out from exhaustion.

I showed up at my aunts to see ny grandmother. The way she was responding to all that had happened the day before was like she couldnt accept that he had died.

I finally had left after a little bit of time there and proceeded to go to work to talk to them about what had happened and that I would be taking a few days off to help plan the funeral and to morn for my uncle.

The next day, I received yet another call from my aunt to watch the kids. My grandmother had a stroke. I got my things together, crying the whole time, and drove up there once again to see them putting my grandmother in the ambulance. She was so fragile looking I couldnt help but to burst into tears, fearing that I would lose her as well. But this time, my grandmother would not be leaving the hospital until the day of the funeral.

I remember watch my aunt, the strongest woman I knew, break in front of me throughout the week, even more so at the funeral. I remember trying to stay strong for my family and not being successful.

The following day, my grandmother was taken back to the hospital. Now we knew things were going to be hard. She was diagnosed with pneumonia and later contracted Mrsa from the hospital. She was put in rehab to help her with therapy.

Finally she could come back home, but the only condition was she need 24 hour care. That was when I started watching her during the day and working at night.

Not even a week after she was released from rehab, she had to go back to the ER. She was extrememely dehydrated, even though she was drinking adequate amounts of liquids. At the ER, she was once again diagnosed with pneumonia. Once again she was in the hospital for a few weeks, then in rehab. But then it was another trip to the hospital after she rolled out of bed not even a few days. A few more weeks in the hospital, then 2 weeks of rehab again, and finally she could come home again.

Now she had been home for so many months and all I could feel was happiness no other issues had arised.

Then she started to eat less and even started to lose weight the past 3 weeks. Thursday, my aunt and I somehow got her out to the van to get her to the doctors to find out what he wanted done now since we were losing the help we were getting for her by an agency due to not being able to get her out of the house for any appointments due to her condition.

Now it is just us hoping she can come home in the next few days and back to our care, where she really wants to be.

And everyday I think its a blessing that I still have her in my life. But this still does not mean I dont cry at some point everyday, knowing she is slipping away on me.

It is hard, watching my grandmother, and knowing I can not prepare for the day she is no longer in my life.

So this is my advice to you, our dear readers. Live each day cherishing every moment you can with your loved ones because you are never prepared for when they leave you.

Til next time, dear readers
~Kit~